Not sure what the moral to this story is…
In the mayhem of the season, let’s pause, breathe, look up at the sky and find our place in His love.
“We are Mariners bound where man has not yet dared to go.”
In his poem, “Passage to India,” Walt Whitman speaks of the spiritual journey, of the bravery and courage, our selves and our souls must pass through in this life. He calls us reckless. And he reminds us that despite the fear, the storm, the darkness, we are safe in the seas of God.
I want to live bravely, risking everything today. For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I am stepping into this.
At an event I went to this weekend called Women at the Cross (every woman should sign up right now, don’t ask questions, just do it) I was able to face my most hurtful fear and mourn my deepest loss: my dad. I had an opportunity to say the things to him that I never got to say when he was taken so suddenly. With my sisters around me, I was free to mourn him, say goodbye to him and face that he is gone but his presence is very much alive. Vulnerable and terrified, I risked everything before these sisters. But today, I feel well, I feel whole, I feel strong and good and loved and enough. And for the first time since that day in December, I feel at peace. Truly, fully at peace.
I was enabled to live what this poem talks about. Because of that, I get to truly experience the joy of feeling safe and loved in the Seas of God. How about you? You up for a little risk?
Here’s the section of the poem I pulled for this video:
Sail forth – steer for the deep waters only,
Reckless O Soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go
And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.
O my brave soul!
O farther, farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! Are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!
-Walt Whitman, Passage to India
I need this shot in the arm of sass today because I am a mess of insecurities. I feel chubby, irritable, and like a friend failure for not having enough time for the people I care most about.
If I could, I’d remain in this state, balled up and frustrated, drawing pictures and not talking to anyone. But right as I started to get cozy in my little hole of shame and self-pity, my darling friend reminded me of my favorite song, “I’m Beautiful, Dammit”, by Bette Midler. It’s loud and obnoxious and allows for no whining. And I think I need to follow her lead, shout out that I’m beautiful despite the character flaws I see so clearly. I’m beautiful whether I can be a perfect friend or not have the perfect figure or not.
Today I need to be ok just being human and, someday, I’ll feel different than I do right now. Perhaps that day I’ll feel confident about my body or have the energy to make phone calls to the people I love. But today, I can’t and that must be ok.
I’m a beautiful mess and I need some courage. So I’m going to sing this song and I’m going to face this day as the flawed human I am.
Why? You guessed it:
Oh, if you don’t own this song, listen now, it’s so Bette: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWsc2nuUg-s
Happy WAY late birthday to all you lovely friends! (I’m talking to you: Ashton, Kippy, Michelle and Jessica!)
And, I really would bake each of you a cake this large if I had any culinary skills…alas, they are severely lacking.